We Should All Have A Little Aspergers

"God will never give more than you can handle"                     

My response: "Easier said than done".

But I totally agree. Pretty much everyone has all the emotional tools to handle what is on their plate. Now there are some issues that land on our plate that we have not purposely taken on, for example the person with a physical, mental or emotional disability from no untoward action of their own. For the most part we are all responsible for what is on that plate.  So allow me that generalization for the most part.

This whole process of thinking has come from many years of "being busy". Many people that find out I have five kids state"Oh you have 5 children, you must be busy". Ummmm... yeah, if I'm not being a neglectful mother, I am busy. Yes I am". Life is as busy as we make it.

The title of this blog has to do with one more thing that has landed on my plate and has me on the path of discovery. My son was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. He is 15 and I have known for some time that we were dealing with something atypical about him that was impacting his ability to make friends. For 10 years I have "been busy" with assessments, appointments, counsellors and doctors, reading and being a parent to this child. In this process I am learning not so much about my child, but about myself. I have learned that the person with Aspergers thinks in very concrete terms, but they usually have trouble with including the thoughts of others when socializing.

This got me thinking. How often I myself have not looked outside myself and my desires to consider the needs of others. And looking at life from this point of view is interesting. Mostly because I now have to teach my son how to further develop his social skills. Teach him so he can interact positively within his social environment, because being "different" when you are a teen can have some negative outcomes. Here is the trick. How he sees himself in his world is "just fine". He sees himself as a social being, fun loving, people think well of him, he is kind, generous, intelligent, honest to a fault, and he knows himself better than anyone else. And he doesn't second guess his actions, because he never has any malice or ill intent behind them. What he is innocent of is how his actions/comments may be viewed by others. But really...he doesn't care.  If you don't like him because he is not "cool" enough, then so be it. He knows he is not a jock and he is "cool" with that. 

All I can think of when I think about him is: we should all have a little Aspergers. I recently read "The Tao of Pooh" and I can not think of a more perfect "uncarved block" than my son. I am rejoicing that I can finally have a road map to understanding him. It is like being in the jungle and from out of the sky falls a map with a "You are Here" X on it and a compass.

I am thankful this has been put on my plate, not just that my son has autism, but it has placed more information in front of me that allows me to not only get to know my son from his point of view, but to learn more about myself. I'm continually learning to accept myself just as I am, and celebrating that I'm "just fine". To live with no malice towards another and to strive to be an "uncarved block" will help me to deal with the plateful that is my life.

So my son. Thank you. Thank you for being who you are and letting me walk this path with you. We're going to have a great life.