“When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be”
ARTIST: Muppets
TITLE: It's Not Easy Being Green
I have sat before a number of people who have shared their thoughts on the person that is "me". These persons have included family, friends, employers, clients and strangers. Hmmm did I miss anyone. Then few weeks ago I attended a team building workshop. It was based on the personality tests of True Colors. I found it very insightful and comforting to say the least. I found out I was a green.
Learning about ourselves has to be a task that we take on because we begin to understand that how we are operating during this life time needs a bit of tweaking and for some of us A LOT of tweaking. The market of books to help us along the way is enormous. As a matter of fact I was informed of a website just yesterday that had an impressive list of books by everyone from Marcus Aurelius to Dale Carnegie. What I found most impressive was that of the 100 books listed as “The Tops 100 Personal Growth Books….ever” was that I own about 10 of them (some of which I am in various stages of reading and some are yet to be read, that’s the green in me). I also saw several I want to own and now have a plan to take some of my other books to the second hand book store to see if I can get some more of that list onto my own shelves, I kind of feel like if I just own them I’ll be “better”.
And that brings me to the question of: What “better” do I have to achieve, and for what reason? Well I guess everyone has their own version how they thinking becoming “better” will make life better. But in the end we all end up with some form or another of our “best 100 books”. And eventually this plethora of books/information all have a common theme, they are all navigational tools on how to achieve happiness!
My bookshelf list includes books that focus on being well in both mind and body. I began this journey of “being better” probably 13 years ago as a young(ish) mother of 2 small boys and married to their father. I had jumped into this life with such ignorance with most of my life’s rules of engagement being fairly self-focused. Little did I know what inserting myself into my husband’s family would be like or what becoming a mother would do for my soul. As a chameleon I tended to take on the life that was around me, absorbing the energy/style of others. I thought: if I just walked their road I would be happy, and if I do what they want me to do, I’ll be happy. No wonder I became such an Amway nerd (nothing wrong with Amway folks…I just became a bit obsessed). The same happened with my new found knowledge about birth. It did not become part of me, I became IT. IT shaped who I was. To a point that I became…annoying. Feeling very much frazzled and coming undone I took the advice of two people, my sister and a birth colleague. My sister gave the book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior (Dan Millman does make the 100 best books list BTW) and my colleague, Gail, lead me to SHEN therapy. For these two things I am forever grateful. Looking at oneself in the mirror and realizing that not taking control and just going with the flow isn’t working anymore is tough to do. Living a life based on choices made from not having control is not the easiest thing to change, especially when others are involved in living with that change. They effected and sometimes taken out of their comfort zone too.
As I began to embrace this knowledge about personal growth, I began to learn how to not only reflect inwards, but to see outside myself. I began to consciously guide myself towards happiness. I began this journey by observing how I was affecting others and in turn observe how it made me feel about myself. I eventually came to realize that emotional discipline was the real road to inner peace and happiness. I realized that just hoping for something would not make it be. If I wanted something to be, I had to make it happen. If I wanted a calm happy life, I had to be calm and happy. And not just as a mask, I had to practice it all the time. And years later I can say that I've come to a place where it is easier to “flick the switch” when I find myself displaying old behavior patterns.
Having your “Ah Ha” moment is a moment in life one never forgets. It’s a moment when everything that you are and everything that you want to be melds together and you can clearly see your life. I’ll never forget mine. It is also that moment when you know that you need to live in the moment and choose happiness in the moment. What I'm learning from the books is how to BE in that moment and how not to let old behavior patterns that lead to stressful emotions take control. Those old behavior patterns are so comforting at times, allowing ourselves to fall back into the behaviors that lead us to that bookshelf of personal growth in the first place. I have learned that we have to be consciously aware of our thoughts all the time (without being know-it-alls) until we are “unconsciously competent”. And in all this personal growth, the challenge is to not lose the person we are, but learn what it is honor the person that we are becoming. And too stop berating ourselves for not being perfect, and to accept others for their non-perfection as well (AKA: accepting the differences of all the colors).
During this journey we have to leave elements that keep us unbalanced behind. For some it might be leaving a relationship, or forcing a child to be independent or just plain getting a backbone for the first time in life. It can also be about stepping up to the plate and taking on more responsibility; as in working more for a stable financial future or embracing working less and living more frugal so as to be with family. There is no right or wrong, there is just that gut feeling you get when everything falls into place and an inner peace creeps in and you know you’ve made the right choice.
So what does being green have to do with all this personal growth crap? Well for me it is one more map to understanding myself. And learning I was a green helps me to understand a number of things, mainly how to relate to the other colors (See We should all have a little Asperger’s). To learn to listen effectively what others how to say and how they are saying it. To learn how to communicate my needs and expectations in a manner that clear and concise gives me the power to get what I need. And if I have what I need then I am happy.
Isn’t that what we all want, happiness? I have found that by being true to myself and true to others that I find that I am most stable, and in stability I find happiness. My mind is stable, my soul is calm and with that so is my family. And that makes me happy. Is life perfect? Hell no, but life always needs tweaking. And when I can, I’ll open up the book nearest to me and read a bit to again strengthen my resolve to live a happy green life.
