Pssssssst....can I tell you a secret?

I'm having an affair....

Oh...did that catch your attention?

Good. Because that is what I intended.
It's true.

Now for many, jealousy enters when their loved one begins to pay attention to another. Attention that brings their partner joy that they themselves can not create. They feel left out, and spurned. The type of affair I'm involved in has been the down fall of many relationships.

But my affair is not with flesh and blood. It is with a more powerful force.

I'm having an affair with my computer.

My computer is my friend. It gives me joy. Why? Well I guess it began long ago when when the children where young (very young, as in I would go days without hearing one intelligent word all day until my husband came home and said "hello").

My computer was my lifeline to the outside world of adults. I could chat with people that had the same interests as me. I could post on the iVillage discussion board and get real responses from real people. And I did not have to let them see the chaos swirling around me as I tried to maintain order in a home that had toddlers. I could sit back and relax be a "grown up".

Now I'll make it clear now that I did have "real" people in my life. But that happened in the way of a moms' group. Where we gathered with our children and discussed motherly things. And I loved it. I was a mother and for near 16 years I've embraced all that has came with motherhood. I embraced the shirt that was constantly lifted by a nursing toddler, or the numerous accidents that occurred during potty training and all the while knowing I had a diaper pail about to explode, and the last 3 baskets of laundry haven't been folded, right up to buying acne products for my teens and trying to explain why too much X-box will rot their brain.

I love it all. But I loved the time when I was not a mom. I love being just me, a female, the female that I remember before motherhood.

My computer allowed me to find the grown up world that existed outside of motherhood. It allowed me to be "me". To joke and tease and flirt.

How does one begin to explain this relationship to a partner that does not partake in such a venue of socialization. Where you delve into a world that is foreign to them. Like going to a pub that they have never been to and they don't understand the language.

I know the on-line world I live in is not completely understood. This love affair I have with the world wide web is more than I ever expected. This highway to a world of socializing and learning and communicating. Who could not love it.

I've made my mistakes and trusted, when I should have been cautious. But we all learn in the way we need to. Now I laugh at the things I fell prey to, and I enjoy myself (maybe a bit too much ;)). But over all, I've had fun and I'll continue to have fun.

First and foremost though is to make sure that reality stays real and that the dive into the "virtual life" stays there. Nothing can replace life, but just as I do not play Wednesday night hockey or watch sports on TV and get all pumped up, I hope that my choice of entertainment is accepted.

So pass the beer hunny while you snuggle up to a night of hockey, I'm just gonna check out Talk City and go hang with my buddies at ~The Penthouse~.